Thursday, July 12, 2012

A chemo kind of prayer


I've survived #10 and #11 (we're not really worried about me not surviving one, but I always like a reason to celebrate). Number ten was a doozy, causing some new side effects that my doctor decided weren't worth the risk so he eliminated what he believes to be the culprit: Bleomycin, the "B" of my ABDV chemo cocktail. I was thrilled to get one less drug and we pray that "B" didn't cause any long-term problems in my lungs. Doctor V. continues to smile because I have hair and that makes me smile too!

 Even as I'm enjoying a weekend of Romanian hospitality from Ramona and her family in Chicago, recovering under comfy covers while Jonathan and our friends study to become great dentists, my mind flashes with faces of others I know who are also at home, their bodies hard at work fighting cancer and trying to compensate for the effects of chemo. 

This is my prayer for them; friends like Mary Lynn, no stranger to fighting cancer as she's been undergoing treatment for something like ten years. She is skilled at laughter and somehow manages to deflect all attention off her own pain to inquiries of mine, with kind eyes and a reassuring smile that makes me feel so much less alone. This is a prayer for a new friend, recently diagnosed with breast cancer, full of courage and spunk as her body faces its biggest challenge yet. And mostly, this is a prayer for children survivors. I see chubby-cheecked baby faces that I wish my hands had power to hold and make all the bad parts of chemo go away. Maybe I can't do that, but as I lay here I'm going to let my mind wander and imagine the hands that can. 
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I pray His body becomes flesh today, that you open your eyes after a good, long nap to see His loving ones gazing into yours. 

I pray you curl up in His lap and know the comfort of a hug. 

I want to crown your beautiful head with a perfect hat, made from only the finest fibers, of course. It fits you like a glove and when it's on, your scalp stops stinging. Hair follicles can take a deep breath. Relax, they are no longer under attack. 

I want to give you a drink of living water, the kind that's crisp as it runs down your throat, healing the blistered tissue on your gums and tongue, cooling your burning heart and lungs. You can feel it flow through your veins, hydrating your thirsty skin from the inside out. Drink it up until you are soggy with life again! 

I pray His skilled hands move up and down your arms and legs, massaging away the fire and exhaustion until you are completely and utterly restored. 

I want Him to breathe energy into your airways. Passion and excitement accompany each puff. 

I pray His lips kiss your finger tips, bringing back to life nerve endings that are inconveniently M.I.A., reviving the delightful experience of touch. 

I want your taste buds to reawaken the pleasure of sweet and salty. Savor each flavor-burst of fruit freshly-plucked from the tree of life. 

I would wrap you up in a magic temperature-changing blanket that effortlessly compensates for even the hottest flashes and chilliest chills. It's a custom-made climate just for you! 

I pray His palms settle over your tummy, hovering until the chaos quiets and everything inside becomes a well-oiled machine. 

I pray the butterflies and worry warts flutter or sputter away as His Perfect Love casts out fear . 

I want to give you a brand-new walk-in closet of clothes that fit your changing body, expandable waist band for those days, making you feel beautiful, because you are.

I want to erase the "remembering" part of your stomach that recalls with shocking accuracy chemo-flu nausea as you glimpse any item of clothing, pass any restaurant, or smell any scent remotely tethered to treatment day. 


I pray He digs down deep to the source of that nausea, pulling it up and out of your body until you can feel hunger and fullness, hold the side of queasy, please. 

I want His fingers to tickle your toes, making you giggly or silly or carefree, and bringing more healing with each jolt of laughter. 

I pray He sits by your side and that you know you are not alone. 
I pray you feel touched, comforted, loved beyond belief. 
I pray you are healed, that cancer goes away and never ever comes back to play. 

I want His kingdom to come, His will to be done, in your life for now and forever more. 




4 comments:

  1. Beautiful. As always. There is just something powerful in the way you fight in prayer, Ash. Thanks for sharing your prayer with us - I feel like I know even more of how to pray for you, too. Love you.

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  2. You have such a way with words! Love this post and love you and your genuine heart:) I pray these prayers for you too!

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  3. You are one awesome lady!! God bless you Ashley!!!

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  4. I'm reading these years later, and they are as powerful and timeless as ever. I love you, Ashley, and I LOVE the grace of God in your life; compassionate and powerful. Halleluiah for prayers answered!!!

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