"I know the end of the story. I come up from the wilderness, leaning on my Beloved:" my favorite lyric from a Jon Thurlow song called "Strong Love." I highly recommend the entire album, and I recommend watching my husband dance and sing to this song in particular, if you ever have the opportunity. It will absolutely bring a smile to your face.

But that lyric is what I've been thinking about since getting a diagnosis of cancer last week. CANCER. It's a scary word. Many have heard it before from a doctor or  someone they love. Many have walked with someone through the treatments, the uncertainty, the joy or grief...maybe both.

I was reminded that while cancer is a big scary word, I serve a very big God. At first, those reminders didn't feel helpful. I've spent the past few days arguing with Him about this plan.
"I don't like it very much, to be honest."
 He said, "I don't like it either."
"I can't do this. Jonathan needs to focus on school and I need to work. I'm scared of needles and chemo and what it will do to my body."
 He said, "I know."
"Please don't let go of me. I'm so mad. I don't want to be close to you. I feel like pushing you away, but please don't let me go."
He said, (with a smile) "Never, my love."

So Jonathan and I cried, and prayed, and sang, and laughed sometimes because with Jesus it's still ok to laugh when the world is crashing in around you.

As for the particulars, I don't know much yet. I have a type of cancer called Hodgkins Lymphona, which happens to be one of the most treatable, even curable, types of cancer. So I am grateful.  I feel sad for the people sitting in the oncology waiting room all alone, fighting their own cancers. I know many of them don't have such good odds. Many don't know the comfort of Jesus. I wonder who I will meet on this journey, and what they will teach me. Who will I pray for as I sit in a room full of sick people getting IV's of chemo? Who will be praying for me?

Jonathan and I are beyond-words-grateful for the prayers and support we have received. Thanks to those who have offered to share their own experiences with us, and reminded us that God loves to write beautiful stories.

We will choose to let Him write ours, even if we aren't crazy about the newest plot twist. I will choose to trust Him most, because.....well, because he loves me, and because I know the end of the story.